I need You

[it's been about a year since i posted last. life stole me away, and now i'm back. i hope you enjoy this.]

the silence of Los Angeles is still so loud i can’t hear when i sigh
i can’t hear when i think
i can’t hear when i sleep
i can’t hear the blood inside my veins

oh how i crave that nature silence
where you can hear when a cloud moves
where you can hear the sun
you can hear when trees stand still

i miss the silence that you can taste
it’s sweet and fresh and green
i want to live in that place again
where i can hear my thoughts again
please take me there, oh take me

take me where i can sleep in arms large enough to carry my mind
i need a heart vast enough to help me with my burdens
to love me through my burdens
to care for me through my trials

i need His silence that heals all my sores
His calm hand to hold my blistered thoughts
i’m tired of going and going and going and going
and doing and doing and doing and doing
and searching for nothing that is enough

i need a refuge. a Refuge. my Refuge.
i need Jesus. My Jesus. Only Jesus.

Everyone has Two Hearts

here i am. heart: red, healthy, and full of that special living liquid. ready to work for the next half a century. the Lord makes it contract and pump. there's nothing wrong with my 1st heart. at least as far as i know.

but i have a separate heart; a 2nd heart. one that's a whole chalk-box full of colors. one that's very fickle, often too weak, and almost always misleading. it leads me down dead-end rabbit trails. i've learned that it's best not to listen to that heart. those warm-fuzzies, and tickly-tinglies aren't a faithful gauge of anything.

all that i can trust is my faithful Rock. my Jesus. recently i have found myself:

listening to songs that remind me of.
smelling that scent that brings me back to.
hearing a voice that sounds just like.
visiting the place from the day where.
driving with the windows down with the same weather as.
feeling the same emotions that were felt when i was.
seeing...
wanting...
dreaming...
wishing...
falsely believing...

But I know that that's all insanely small compared to eternity. I live on this earth, but I am a citizen of heaven. I exist to enjoy Jesus Christ and glorify Him forever. When my 2nd heart fails, He holds me tight and sets it straight again. And one day when my 1st heart fails, I will see Him face to face! Oh death where is your sting!?

Let the Redeemed of the LORD Say So

^{PSALM 107:28-31
28} Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble,
and he delivered them from their distress.
²⁹He made the storm be still,
and the waves of the sea were hushed.
³⁰Then they were glad that the waters were quiet,
and he brought them to their desired haven.
³¹ Let them thank the LORD for his steadfast love,
for his wondrous works to the children of man!

The Lord allows His children to experience storms, or trials, or tribulations, or valleys, or whatever-you-want-to-call-thems. He is not ignorant to the whereabouts of His creation. He knows the state of each heart, because He is Sovereign. Each experience we have on this side of eternity is used to draw us deeper into His heart.

There are stormy seasons in each person's life, just like there are seasons on our earth. The rain pounds down on your foundation, and the wind howls at your stability, and the sky to scrunches up like an angry face and throws a temper tantrum. It feels like you've got nothing to hold onto, that the storm is drowning out your cries for help....but this is not the case.

Just like a frightened child burrows their head into a father's chest, so should we seek our Abba when circumstances are dire. Jesus is the crutch for the weary, who cannot walk on their own two feet. He is the Shepherd who guides His frightened flock. Our Father knows what we need before we ask for it, and He heeds each request according to His will.

The psalmist clearly stated that the Lord was their Savior in this state of confusion and chaos. He came to their rescue, and they gave Him the glory. Call out to Him, for He is Immanuel [God with us].

Humanity, what do you see?

Do you ever look past a person's clothing style? Don't you want to be able to look past someone's skin? To look past their muscles, their bones, their flesh? To see someone in their center, their soul?

Boy, do I ever... and it's because I want the world to do that with me. I don't want you to look at me and see a girl; part-Asian, mostly American. I don't want you to see 5'5". I don't want to be known for a pants-size, or for the clothes I wear. I don't want you to see my hair color, or not-so-straight teeth. Please look past that. Look and see my heart. Do you see where it dwells? Look at my soul and who it belongs to.

I am a servant of Jesus Christ. My heart dwells in His heart. I belong to Him. He is my Beloved and I am His. My beauty is not worn on my sleeve--it's deep within me. I am beautiful because He is. Anything in me that's worth looking at is truly Christ in me.

My heart of flesh is whole

Let me be frank with you. I have days where I laugh at myself for being Christian; where I cannot comprehend how I [the person that I've been forever] could believe such an incredulous notion as Christ crucified. I used to mock the idea of God. "Ha--what a crutch! WEAKLINGS!", I would shout...I would laugh and scorn anyone who went to church. What was church anyways, besides a building full of lunatics!? I convinced myself that only fools believed in God [and of course I also managed to convince myself that I was no fool]. I argued that it was in their very Bible, their beloved Scriptures, where Christ said that His very Cross was foolishness. I bickered with anyone that Christians were hopeless and pathetic.

Jesus said that He came to save those who needed saving, and let-me-tell-you, the last person that thought they needed saving was me! My self-righteousness should have won an award. I was thoroughly convinced that I DESERVED their mythical heaven and more! Their Bible was full of contradictions...or so I had thought. I was so self-assured that I had studied enough to know Christianity. I esteemed it as nothing more than a plague. I'd watched too many documentaries on the Universe to be able to believe some lie they called "The Gospel". They said that it was good news, and I just spit in their faces.
My cold mind and hardened heart refused it. I'd been so scarred that I thought love was a complete lie...I thought that humanity had made it all up. I believed that "love" existed solely to rub more salt in my wounds of sorrow. There was no way that any "Savior" could fix my brokenness; my heart was beyond repair.

But there was one fateful day. Yes, that Easter Sunday over two and a half years ago where........ I died. I gave my life to Christ. He plucked me out of darkness and placed me into light. I truly feel as if I had no say in the matter. I came to the Easter service an atheist, and somehow I left as a new man.

Now, of course I faced opposition. Of course there were obstacles that when looking back, I cannot understand how they were overcome. There were hardships. It took a very, very, very long time for Christ's love to penetrate past the scars on my soul. It took even longer for His Grace to wash away religiosity. And it is taking longer still, for His Spirit to instill an unwavering faith in my doubtful heart.
So like I said, let me be frank. There are days when I don't know all the answers to every theological question that people throw at me. I still sin; I'm not perfect. Time after time, I am confused and frustrated and I FAIL ROYALLY! But to be fair, I can never deny that my heart is now whole and complete. The world will never be able to deny that there was once a "Rhia" who lived on this earth that spewed hatred and harbored continents full of hurt. And the world will never be able to deny that that man is dead, and now there is a new one. I finally have a heart of flesh instead of stone.

So if you, dear beloved sister or brother, are facing opposition on all sides by the world's intellect, their persecution, their scorn, than remember your old self. Realize the progress that has come to pass; progress that no human or created thing could have brought about. It was only His love that healed your heart and made you new.


EZEKIEL 16:5-8
5"No eye looked with pity on you to do any of these things for you, to have compassion on you. Rather you were thrown out into the open field, for you were abhorred on the day you were born. 6When I passed by you and saw you squirming in your blood, I said to you while you were in your blood, 'Live!' Yes, I said to you while you were in your blood, 'Live!' 7I made you numerous like plants of the field. Then you grew up, became tall and reached the age for fine ornaments; your breasts were formed and your hair had grown. Yet you were naked and bare. 8Then I passed by you and saw you, and behold, you were at the time for love; so I spread My skirt over you and covered your nakedness I also swore to you and entered into a covenant with you so that you became Mine," declares the Lord GOD.

Ma poésie pour mon Jesus

I wrote this for my french class and ended up really liking how it came out. The translation is below the original :].

le coeur que Quelqu'un a tenu
l'espoir que quelqu'un a rêvé
les poésies que quelqu'un a lues
les chansons que quelqu'un a chantées
le souhait que quelqu'un a cru
le ciel que Quelqu'un a mis en bouteille
les prières que Quelqu'un a reçues
l'amour que l'été a capturé

~~~

the heart that Someone held
the hope that someone believed
the poems that someone read
the songs that someone sang
the wish that someone believed
the sky that Someone bottled
the prayers that Someone received
the love that summer captured

This deepened my day

Sonnet XVII

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way than this:

where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep. "
— Pablo Neruda